Now God knows that this is a touchy subject amongst the parenting crowd, but I believe in sleep training a kid. And I believe in starting early. I hear all these stories from parents whose kids didn't sleep through the night until they were 1, 2, 3 years old and I think they are all insane. I'm not willing to give up that much of my life to my kid. Plus... how are you ever going to get baby-sitters? I guess you just never leave your kid?? Sorry... that's just not me.
So my sleep training "Bible" is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I am forever indebted to my friend, John, who originally told me about this book. Honestly, if he hadn't told me about it I probably never would have done it or thought it possible (since most of the posts online are from stay-at-home moms who don't agree with this) and I'd probably still have a kid who is a crappy sleeper (and I definitely wouldn't have a second kid if that was the case!). This book is great because it actually has real cited research and I think it's a good middle of the ground book. He doesn't overly promote one method over another. If you want to co-sleep, do it, if you want your kid in a crib, do it. Do whatever works for your family so that you are all well rested. It's so true.
Anyway, the big push in this book is that you have to work to get day sleep organized and then night sleep will consolidate following that. Oh... and kids need to go to bed much earlier than most parents put them to bed. Sarah has been sleeping from 7-7 since she was 4 months old and we cut out all night feedings at 5 months (and, honestly, we could have done it sooner but we were too stupid to realize she didn't need to eat, she just got used to the wake-up). I know a lot of parents (including my own) think that 7pm is too early for bedtime but I completely disagree. If it was too early then she wouldn't fall asleep and stay asleep until the next morning. And when my kid wakes up in the morning, she is happy, reading her books, chatting to her animals, etc. Much better than a screaming kid. And maybe Mark and I are just selfish, but we LOVE having that time in the evening to ourselves to either enjoy a later dinner, watch TV in peace, get some extra work done (okay, no one really likes working at night.. but at least we have the option if we need to get things done!), etc. And God knows that it's much easier to find a babysitter when you tell them they just have to get your kid in bed at 7pm and then they are good to go and basically just making sure your house doesn't burn down.
So anyway... this week I started making the push for daytime nap training for Luke. It's still very early and I'm not expecting major results yet. The book states that night sleep won't really consolidate until he is 6 weeks old. But if we can get the day routine going then that works for me. It's been 3 days now and I'd say we've had some good success. Basically, what it means at this point is that I make sure that he is back down to sleep within 2 hours of waking up. Sometimes it's shorter, sometimes longer. Just depends on how he is doing. The other big thing is that the sleep needs to be motionless sleep in a quiet place. So he needs to be in a crib or pack and play and not a bouncy chair, car seat in a moving car, swing, etc. The theory being that your most restorative sleep is when you are motionless. So that is what we have been doing. Now, when they are 6 weeks old, you can put your kid to sleep drowsy but awake to teach them to soothe themselves to sleep so that, eventually, they don't need help sleeping. Right now, at 3 weeks, I still need to help soothe Luke to sleep and won't let him just cry it out. But the other great thing about this technique is that if you watch your child's drowsy signs then you can potentially put him/her to sleep with minimal soothing and if you hit it at the right time then there will be little to no crying. So you won't even need to "cry it out." Now, please note that I am totally in favor of crying it out and I don't think it will do any permanent harm to your child. We letter Sarah cry and she is still her mommy and daddy's girl and has no memory of those times at all. With Sarah, we couldn't do the real "extinction" and had to do "graduated extinction" because we learned that she would just keep crying and needed a bit of reassurance. So we "Ferberized" her and it was great. In a week she was sleeping through the night and we were all happier. Since I have more confidence in my abilities to sleep train this time around, I'm starting Luke a bit earlier (plus, Sarah was colicky and needed to be switched to soy formula so that took a month to figure out and I didn't even think to start sleep training until she was 6 or 7 weeks old already). My hope is that I can get Luke used to soothing himself to sleep during nap times (and if a small amount of crying is necessary after 6 weeks, he can do that when it's just him and me and we don't interrupt Sarah's night sleep as much). Shockingly, I am already seeing some good results this week and today he went down for 2 naps with no intervention from me whatsoever! I put him in his crib drowsy but awake and he passed out on his own with little to no fussing and definitely no crying. So I'm hopeful that this is a good start and we can progress from here. I'm also trying to not have Luke attached to a pacifier the way Sarah was... although I'm not as concerned if that happens. You can always take a pacifier away with a couple nights of protest crying. But I won't let him become attached to sucking his thumb, which is his default soothing mechanism right now. So we shall see.
And on that note, of course my thought that things were going great just backfired because he is now awake and crying even though he just ate a couple hours ago. Argh. The joys of parenting a newborn... you never know what you're getting from one day to the next. So downstairs I run to see what the scoop is.
Until next time...
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Party of 4
I figure that since my last post was about the end of being a family of 3 that I should start this one with the title of party of 4. Sorry for the delay in blogging, but at least this time around I had a legitimate excuse of caring for a newborn. It's been a crazy few weeks.
I'm not going to bore you with the details of the labor and delivery other than to say that Mark ended up getting quarantined off of labor/delivery and mother/baby because he had a case of hand, foot, and mouth disease. Therefore, my sister was able to be there for everything and Mark met his son for the first time when we got home 2 days later. That was crazy and I'm grateful that that time is over. My sister was awesome, but I missed my husband. And I especially missed getting to see Sarah. She also wasn't allowed on the ward since there was a chance she had been exposed to Mark. So all in all, it was a lonely stay in the hospital for me and I was even happier to be home than normal.
Sarah has been a great big sister so far. She loves to hold Luke, help with bottles, etc. (most of the time... sometimes she just wants to play which is fine with us). But in the morning and at night the first thing she wants to do is see Luke and I love that. She hates when he is crying so that has been interesting (and I am glad that I kept her in daycare because of that!). But overall, she has been amazing. Mark and I are realizing exactly how compassionate she is (she definitely didn't get that from me!) and it's amazing to see her grow in this way. But I do worry that she is losing sleep because of Luke's crazy schedule and I'm counting down the days until he starts sleeping longer through the night and can be sleep trained to make it entirely through the night.
And that leads me to life with Luke... first of all, boys are definitely harder than girls at the beginning. From dealing with the male anatomy at changing time (which is far more tricky than the female anatomy and a MUCH higher likelihood of getting hit with bodily fluids) to just dealing with life with a newborn again. It's rough. And it's definitely harder when you already have a kid at home because we are doing everything we can to preserve Sarah's schedule and routine which means trying to eliminate as much crying on Luke's part (at least where Sarah can hear it) as possible. So there have been some LONG nights. And I have found myself being far more resentful of the loss of night sleep this time around than I was last time. I think it's that I know how much work it was to get through this time period last time and now it's like deja vu (or Groundhog Day, as Mark calls it). I look at Sarah and see how far we've come in 2 years and know that it's worth it. But the fact that we are back at virtual day 1 again just is painful.
People keep asking me if I will have another since it's "no big deal" once you get to the third one. I am just like... no way, no how. I always knew that I only wanted 2 kids max anyway. But yeah, this reminder of life with a newborn definitely seals the deal. I never want to go through this again. And, that being said, Luke is actually not such a bad kid. Granted, I think that's more because Mark and I know what to do this time around so we are better at this. And God knows that Luke still throws us for loops (being wide awake at 5am this morning was NOT something I was particularly pleased about). He seems to be having way more growth spurts than Sarah did. I'm chalking that up to him being a boy and gaining weight faster. Thankfully, the worst of his spurts (and, therefore, sleeping) have happened on weekends when Mark is able to help. I'm insanely grateful for that part because if I had been dealing with that during the week this kid would likely be dead. That being said, I still have needed to just walk away from him at times because I couldn't handle it anymore. And I constantly worry that I'm coming down too hard on Sarah because I'm tired out from Luke. I feel like she has been saying "Sorry mommy daddy" more often than she ever used to and I can't figure out if that is just her developmental stage in that we are firmly entrenched in the terrible 2s or if I am punishing her more often than I would if it was just the 3 of us. I just remind myself that I have no memories of being 2 years old so I assume Sarah will also forget pretty easily. She has no memory of the nursery being her room. In her mind, it was always Luke's room. We have shown her pictures and she thinks the baby is always Luke... not her. So hopefully this stage will pass by and she'll have no memory of it either. But of course that gives me that much more incentive to get Luke sleep-trained ASAP before it does cause any damage to Sarah's routine or she does start remembering how differently she was treated.
So according to my child-rearing "Bible" - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - life with Luke is going to get progressively worse until we hit the 6 week mark. At that point, he'll start sleeping longer through the night. I have been looking back at Sarah's eating/sleeping schedule that I kept and I noticed that she definitely was sleeping longer stretches by then. But, again, my one concern is that Luke seems to be eating so much more than her so I wonder if that will delay when he can sleep through the night without food. I pray it doesn't. I will shove as much food in him as possible during the day if it helps him sleep through the night. This is the start of week 3 so I've got 3 weeks left after this, give or take. The positive is that next week is Labor Day so Mark (and Sarah) will be home on Monday with me and Mark is working from home on Wednesday. Then the following week Mark is also working from home one day. So I'm hopeful that the knowledge that someone else is going to be home with me will make things easier. Even if Mark can't always help me out (especially if he's working) it will be nice to have someone else here. And if I can get through those 2 weeks (plus this week) then I'm into week 6 and hopefully I'll be seeing some changes. I'm just praying that the night sleep lengthens the way it's supposed to. If we could get a 6 hour stretch that would be amazing... then that would only be one night waking which would make me feel better with Sarah in the house. And, let's be honest, I could use the sleep! So we'll see... but that is my hope and prayer. What are the odds I could get this kid sleep-trained by 8 weeks?? I've heard of families that make it happen. I am going to do my best and pray for God's blessing in that area. Somehow I have a feeling that my feelings toward Luke will grow exponentially once he starts sleeping through the night. Sad, but true.
Anyway, on that note, I'm off to eat something. Luke is actually getting a decent nap right now, but I suspect he'll be waking up soon. So I don't want to waste all of my "free" time online. After all, I did pay the bills, fill out the forms for his birth certificate, read the news online, and write this blog. But there is always another list of things to do, right? The life of a mom of a newborn...
I'm not going to bore you with the details of the labor and delivery other than to say that Mark ended up getting quarantined off of labor/delivery and mother/baby because he had a case of hand, foot, and mouth disease. Therefore, my sister was able to be there for everything and Mark met his son for the first time when we got home 2 days later. That was crazy and I'm grateful that that time is over. My sister was awesome, but I missed my husband. And I especially missed getting to see Sarah. She also wasn't allowed on the ward since there was a chance she had been exposed to Mark. So all in all, it was a lonely stay in the hospital for me and I was even happier to be home than normal.
Sarah has been a great big sister so far. She loves to hold Luke, help with bottles, etc. (most of the time... sometimes she just wants to play which is fine with us). But in the morning and at night the first thing she wants to do is see Luke and I love that. She hates when he is crying so that has been interesting (and I am glad that I kept her in daycare because of that!). But overall, she has been amazing. Mark and I are realizing exactly how compassionate she is (she definitely didn't get that from me!) and it's amazing to see her grow in this way. But I do worry that she is losing sleep because of Luke's crazy schedule and I'm counting down the days until he starts sleeping longer through the night and can be sleep trained to make it entirely through the night.
And that leads me to life with Luke... first of all, boys are definitely harder than girls at the beginning. From dealing with the male anatomy at changing time (which is far more tricky than the female anatomy and a MUCH higher likelihood of getting hit with bodily fluids) to just dealing with life with a newborn again. It's rough. And it's definitely harder when you already have a kid at home because we are doing everything we can to preserve Sarah's schedule and routine which means trying to eliminate as much crying on Luke's part (at least where Sarah can hear it) as possible. So there have been some LONG nights. And I have found myself being far more resentful of the loss of night sleep this time around than I was last time. I think it's that I know how much work it was to get through this time period last time and now it's like deja vu (or Groundhog Day, as Mark calls it). I look at Sarah and see how far we've come in 2 years and know that it's worth it. But the fact that we are back at virtual day 1 again just is painful.
People keep asking me if I will have another since it's "no big deal" once you get to the third one. I am just like... no way, no how. I always knew that I only wanted 2 kids max anyway. But yeah, this reminder of life with a newborn definitely seals the deal. I never want to go through this again. And, that being said, Luke is actually not such a bad kid. Granted, I think that's more because Mark and I know what to do this time around so we are better at this. And God knows that Luke still throws us for loops (being wide awake at 5am this morning was NOT something I was particularly pleased about). He seems to be having way more growth spurts than Sarah did. I'm chalking that up to him being a boy and gaining weight faster. Thankfully, the worst of his spurts (and, therefore, sleeping) have happened on weekends when Mark is able to help. I'm insanely grateful for that part because if I had been dealing with that during the week this kid would likely be dead. That being said, I still have needed to just walk away from him at times because I couldn't handle it anymore. And I constantly worry that I'm coming down too hard on Sarah because I'm tired out from Luke. I feel like she has been saying "Sorry mommy daddy" more often than she ever used to and I can't figure out if that is just her developmental stage in that we are firmly entrenched in the terrible 2s or if I am punishing her more often than I would if it was just the 3 of us. I just remind myself that I have no memories of being 2 years old so I assume Sarah will also forget pretty easily. She has no memory of the nursery being her room. In her mind, it was always Luke's room. We have shown her pictures and she thinks the baby is always Luke... not her. So hopefully this stage will pass by and she'll have no memory of it either. But of course that gives me that much more incentive to get Luke sleep-trained ASAP before it does cause any damage to Sarah's routine or she does start remembering how differently she was treated.
So according to my child-rearing "Bible" - Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - life with Luke is going to get progressively worse until we hit the 6 week mark. At that point, he'll start sleeping longer through the night. I have been looking back at Sarah's eating/sleeping schedule that I kept and I noticed that she definitely was sleeping longer stretches by then. But, again, my one concern is that Luke seems to be eating so much more than her so I wonder if that will delay when he can sleep through the night without food. I pray it doesn't. I will shove as much food in him as possible during the day if it helps him sleep through the night. This is the start of week 3 so I've got 3 weeks left after this, give or take. The positive is that next week is Labor Day so Mark (and Sarah) will be home on Monday with me and Mark is working from home on Wednesday. Then the following week Mark is also working from home one day. So I'm hopeful that the knowledge that someone else is going to be home with me will make things easier. Even if Mark can't always help me out (especially if he's working) it will be nice to have someone else here. And if I can get through those 2 weeks (plus this week) then I'm into week 6 and hopefully I'll be seeing some changes. I'm just praying that the night sleep lengthens the way it's supposed to. If we could get a 6 hour stretch that would be amazing... then that would only be one night waking which would make me feel better with Sarah in the house. And, let's be honest, I could use the sleep! So we'll see... but that is my hope and prayer. What are the odds I could get this kid sleep-trained by 8 weeks?? I've heard of families that make it happen. I am going to do my best and pray for God's blessing in that area. Somehow I have a feeling that my feelings toward Luke will grow exponentially once he starts sleeping through the night. Sad, but true.
Anyway, on that note, I'm off to eat something. Luke is actually getting a decent nap right now, but I suspect he'll be waking up soon. So I don't want to waste all of my "free" time online. After all, I did pay the bills, fill out the forms for his birth certificate, read the news online, and write this blog. But there is always another list of things to do, right? The life of a mom of a newborn...
Friday, August 10, 2012
Last night as a family of 3
Well, the time has come. Luke decided that he needed some prodding to come into the world so I have an induction scheduled for early tomorrow morning. While I appreciate the fact that I get to plan and come to the hospital in a non-harried sense, it's also a very strange sensation compared to last time. But I couldn't help thinking as I sat at dinner with Sarah tonight, watched her take a bath, and read to her at bedtime that this was the last night that we are a family of 3. And a pretty big part of me right now is sad about that. I'm going to miss being a family of 3. I'm sure being a family of 4 will be great (once I get over the sleep deprivation) and we will have amazing memories. And I know I'll enjoy watching Sarah and Luke interact. But right now it feels like the end of an era and as much as I have wanted this boy to come out of me I'm now trying to hold on to every last second that he is still in me.
I hope and pray that Sarah will enjoy being a big sister. I hope that she loves Luke. I hope that I love Luke as much as I love Sarah. I hope that the craziness of being a family of 4 isn't quite as bad as I'm expecting. And I hope that everyone is happy and healthy. I hope that Sarah isn't too scared or upset to see me at the hospital when she comes to visit. And I hope that she will always know that we love her so much, even if there is a baby in the house who may need more of our attention at first. I hope my marriage with Mark stays as strong as it is and grows stronger in the coming years. I hope that we are able to return to the great place we were just getting to now faster the second time around. And I hope that I always realize how blessed we truly are and never take that for granted.
I hope and pray that Sarah will enjoy being a big sister. I hope that she loves Luke. I hope that I love Luke as much as I love Sarah. I hope that the craziness of being a family of 4 isn't quite as bad as I'm expecting. And I hope that everyone is happy and healthy. I hope that Sarah isn't too scared or upset to see me at the hospital when she comes to visit. And I hope that she will always know that we love her so much, even if there is a baby in the house who may need more of our attention at first. I hope my marriage with Mark stays as strong as it is and grows stronger in the coming years. I hope that we are able to return to the great place we were just getting to now faster the second time around. And I hope that I always realize how blessed we truly are and never take that for granted.
Wednesday, August 08, 2012
Waiting, waiting, waiting...
It's been a rough week here as I continue waiting for this little one to show up. A lot of disappointment in the fact that he's just not here yet. I've been dilated (to 4cm) and effaced (to at least 80%) for a week now and still nothing. I've been dilated and effaced for 3 weeks (to a lesser extent, of course) and have been having more and more contractions, but still nothing. At this point, I just want this kid out of me.
Everyone I see is in shock that the kid hasn't fallen out of me yet. Every nurse and OB continues to warn me that I won't have much time to get to the hospital because I'm so far along. And yet, this kid doesn't want to come out. I know that this probably means that the labor and delivery will be quick. But I am just so sick of being pregnant (and wondering if I'll even be able to get an epidural this time) that I want it over with now. And every time someone expresses their shock that I'm still here and not in labor it just rubs me the wrong way and I want to scream or cry or throw something because I want this pregnancy over with.
I definitely have hit rock bottom for me as of yesterday night/this morning. I'm now crying a ton. I hate the way I look... I'm getting more and more stretch marks, something I never got with my daughter. So I'm wondering if my body will return back to normal like I did with Sarah, or if this is it and my body is now just going to look older and more worn out, which is depressing to say the least. And then my temper is getting shorter and shorter with my daughter, even though this obviously isn't her fault. And I hate that I'm taking it out on her. So then I just try not to say anything and basically become a mute. So that's not any better. Needless to say, this is a time in my life that I hope to forget very quickly. And it's sad that I don't have positive memories from this pregnancy to one day tell my son (assuming he ever arrives). Instead all I can think to say is, why didn't you come sooner so that mommy could feel better? Or, I feel like a complete waste of space on earth right now. I'm meant to be a productive member of society and instead I sit here waiting and waiting and wasting so much time. How do people just sit around all day? I can't do it. I want to go back to work right now if this is the alternative. And then I remind myself that I have an entire semester off... I won't go back to work until January. And I wonder if I can make it through that very long stretch of time.
This has been such a long pregnancy. We started trying in August, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, tried again, and now here I am... a year later (which I know is really nothing compared to what many people go through). But for a couple that said we weren't going to try that hard to have another because we weren't going to "die" if we only had one kid, this is a really long time for me. I'm feeling very old. And mostly, I just miss feeling like myself. I feel like Mark and I had just finally gotten back to a good place for our marriage - spending more quality time together, enjoying each other's company more, etc. and that was all because of Sarah's schedule and independence. Now we're taking two steps back and increasing our work load exponentially (according to what everyone tells me) and I wonder if we'll be able to get back to that point in another 2 years. And then I think... wow... another 2 years to wait to maybe hit a good point in marriage again. What the hell are we doing?
I'm really hoping that I'm going to be able to appreciate this boy when he comes out. As I stated in an earlier post, I already have a lot of trepidation about having a boy. Now that he is taking so long to arrive and this pregnancy is so different from the previous one, I feel like that is tainting my opinion of him too. I have told a few people close to me about this and I think they all think I'm joking or that everything will change when he arrives. But I'm not. I really wonder if I'm going to love this boy the way I love my daughter. Because right now, I'm having a hard time thinking anything positive about him.
On that note I'm going to take a shower and wait some more. This is the excitement of my life.
Everyone I see is in shock that the kid hasn't fallen out of me yet. Every nurse and OB continues to warn me that I won't have much time to get to the hospital because I'm so far along. And yet, this kid doesn't want to come out. I know that this probably means that the labor and delivery will be quick. But I am just so sick of being pregnant (and wondering if I'll even be able to get an epidural this time) that I want it over with now. And every time someone expresses their shock that I'm still here and not in labor it just rubs me the wrong way and I want to scream or cry or throw something because I want this pregnancy over with.
I definitely have hit rock bottom for me as of yesterday night/this morning. I'm now crying a ton. I hate the way I look... I'm getting more and more stretch marks, something I never got with my daughter. So I'm wondering if my body will return back to normal like I did with Sarah, or if this is it and my body is now just going to look older and more worn out, which is depressing to say the least. And then my temper is getting shorter and shorter with my daughter, even though this obviously isn't her fault. And I hate that I'm taking it out on her. So then I just try not to say anything and basically become a mute. So that's not any better. Needless to say, this is a time in my life that I hope to forget very quickly. And it's sad that I don't have positive memories from this pregnancy to one day tell my son (assuming he ever arrives). Instead all I can think to say is, why didn't you come sooner so that mommy could feel better? Or, I feel like a complete waste of space on earth right now. I'm meant to be a productive member of society and instead I sit here waiting and waiting and wasting so much time. How do people just sit around all day? I can't do it. I want to go back to work right now if this is the alternative. And then I remind myself that I have an entire semester off... I won't go back to work until January. And I wonder if I can make it through that very long stretch of time.
This has been such a long pregnancy. We started trying in August, got pregnant, had a miscarriage, tried again, and now here I am... a year later (which I know is really nothing compared to what many people go through). But for a couple that said we weren't going to try that hard to have another because we weren't going to "die" if we only had one kid, this is a really long time for me. I'm feeling very old. And mostly, I just miss feeling like myself. I feel like Mark and I had just finally gotten back to a good place for our marriage - spending more quality time together, enjoying each other's company more, etc. and that was all because of Sarah's schedule and independence. Now we're taking two steps back and increasing our work load exponentially (according to what everyone tells me) and I wonder if we'll be able to get back to that point in another 2 years. And then I think... wow... another 2 years to wait to maybe hit a good point in marriage again. What the hell are we doing?
I'm really hoping that I'm going to be able to appreciate this boy when he comes out. As I stated in an earlier post, I already have a lot of trepidation about having a boy. Now that he is taking so long to arrive and this pregnancy is so different from the previous one, I feel like that is tainting my opinion of him too. I have told a few people close to me about this and I think they all think I'm joking or that everything will change when he arrives. But I'm not. I really wonder if I'm going to love this boy the way I love my daughter. Because right now, I'm having a hard time thinking anything positive about him.
On that note I'm going to take a shower and wait some more. This is the excitement of my life.
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