Girl friends are the best...

So I was at a baby shower for an "aquaintance" recently and I was reminded how important it is (as a mom... or really, as a woman) to have some girl friends in your life who are a bit ahead of you in whatever stage of life you're in so that they can give you the real scoop.  But these have to be real girl friends who will actually tell you the truth, even if it hurts... not the ones who always make you feel good but never tell you when something is wrong.  At this baby shower, the girl who was pregnant sat down to start opening gifts and there wasn't one person in the room who jumped up to make the list of who got what or help hand her gifts and take opened gifts to another location to keep them out of the way.  And I just thought to myself... wow... that is really sad for her because she's going to need to have someone to call who has been through it once the baby comes.  And I have no idea who that person is going to be.  I know, I know... as a Christian, I should step up and do the right thing.  And, honestly, if she calls, I will help as much as I can.  But this girl has burned a lot of bridges with a lot of people, including me... so there is still some resentment there.  But I digress...

The point of this post is that girl friends are necessary when you become a mom.  I don't care how supportive your family is... you need your girl friends.  Especially because your mom and mother-in-law will try to help as much as possible... but you will also inevitably hear the "back when I did this..." comment because things have changed to some extent.  And let's be honest... most of our moms were able to stay home as long as they needed to take care of a baby... we were still a single income family kind of country.  Those days are long gone and that just isn't possible for everyone.  Also... I have noticed (and maybe it's just my mom) that my mom will always say... "well you did it this way when you were a baby."  And I'm just like... well, that's great... but this kid is half my husband also so if he did it differently, my kid might be more like him!  My mom never likes to hear that. 

Anyway... I feel like around week 3 of my daughter's life I needed my girl friends.  Week 1 had been smooth - the baby just slept all day anyway and Mark was home with me to help figure out the whole baby thing.  Week 2 Mark went back to work but things were still going well.  I actually remember foolishly thinking that this wasn't so bad and I didn't know what everyone was complaining about.  Then week 3 hit.  It started with a growth spurt and after that I think I lost my mind because I don't remember the rest of the week except for that growth spurt (note to self - must have entry on growth spurts... THOSE were a surprise!). And I remember one day in particular when one of my friends just randomly called me to check in after I had just finished calling another friend out of desperation for help.  Both calls came minutes apart from each other and I remember that I had this calming feeling when I finally got off the phone because I realized that my kid wasn't abnormal... I just didn't know that this happened and now I knew how to deal with it.  So here's the story:

So surprise #1 of motherhood... you know how they tell you that breastmilk is best for your baby and has everything your baby needs for development?  Well, that's not really the whole truth.  The real truth (that you find out when you meet with the baby nurse AFTER you take the baby home... because they don't even tell you this in the hospital) is that if you exclusively breastfeed, you must also give your baby a vitamin supplement called Tri-Vi-Sol or Poly-Vi-Sol (made by Enfamil).  It's specifically because your baby minimally needs Vitamin D and apparently you just don't have enough (although I really wondered - since I drink lots of milk - if that's true for me... but I digress).  The Tri-Vi-Sol has vitamins A, C, and D... Poly-Vi-Sol has a whole bunch of other stuff in addition to the A, C, and D.  But either way, you're supposed to give one dose a day (I seem to recall... don't quote me on that!) of the vitamin just to make sure that your baby is really getting everything he/she needs.  Okay... no problem.  We run to the store and pick some up on our way home from the appointment with the baby nurse.  So I follow the instructions and give it to my kid.  The first time I did it, it was okay... I wasn't good with the dropper yet, so there was a bit of a mess (note... that stuff stains everything and it doesn't come out!!!  We still have burp cloths that are permanently stained with Poly Vi-Sol).  But I figure all is well.  As the weeks go on, it gets worse and worse... now my kid is actively refusing the vitamin and when I do get it in her mouth she screams and spits it all back up along with some milk and God knows what else.  I'm just like... okay, it's just medicine... maybe it has a bad taste but I have to keep doing this.  But it's just awful.  I've come to dread this vitamin and really wonder if it's doing anything for my kid since it seems like she is spitting the whole thing up along with her milk (that I worked so freaking hard to produce for her!!).  And now I'm just starting to get bitter.  I'm reading online and seeing so many other stories of women who had the same issues with their kids being upset with the vitamin... but no one has any answer as to how to make it better.  Mostly just... suck it up and deal.  So helpful to a mom who feels like she's on the brink of a nervous breakdown because she's starting to wonder if her kid is somehow malnourished because she can't give her a vitamin!!  Enter my girl friends...

Thank God for moms who have been there and know.  So I talk to my girl friends and both of them tell me that their kids were the same way and one way you can get out of giving the vitamin is if you give your kid minimally 1 bottle of formula a day.  You can also put them in their swing by a window so that they get some good sunlight on them (or, if the weather is nice, just bring them outside) to help with vitamin D production.  But the light alone isn't enough... they'd still need either some formula, or the vitamin.  Now... this of course goes against the idea of exclusively breastfeeding... so if you won't do it, then you just have to suck it up with the vitamin.  But by this point, I had no problem giving my kid some formula.  She had already had formula on day one of life because my milk was late coming in... so she was starving.  And I just wasn't going to sweat it if my kid had some formula.  I needed to do what I needed to do to make sure my kid was getting everything she needed.  So formula it was.  I gave her a bottle of formula once a day (minimally... more on growth spurt days) and threw that awful vitamin out.  No more screaming... no more spitting up purple vitamin everywhere and staining everything.  It was so much better.  My daughter and I were both so much calmer. 

But thank God my friends had told me about that... otherwise, I'd probably still be fighting over a vitamin.  Actually, no... what would have happened is that I would have just given up breastmilk all together and moved straight to formula even sooner.  (Please note... my kid was formula fed for most of the first year of her life in the end... but that was for other reasons.  Needless to say, a vitamin didn't drive us to it in the end.)  So that's why I feel like they really need to tell you these things and give you all of the options!  I think that if moms knew that giving a bottle of formula a day will negate the need for the vitamin then it would help those of us who have kids who have reactions to the vitamin!  And maybe some moms would breastfeed longer, or at least enjoy the feeding process more when you aren't fighting a screaming baby over a vitamin.  Who knows? 

Obviously this was just one story of why you need good girl friends to give you the scoop.  I remember another lovely conversation (the same day) about bleeding nipples.  I won't put that in a blog for obvious reasons... it's just one of the "joys" of motherhood.  But the real point is that you need to find those girl friends before the kid comes out.  Have them tell you what it's really like to give birth and those first weeks of life.  Because at some point you are going to think something bad must just be normal and only your girl friends will be able to tell you that it's not and how to fix it.  For example, my kid cried a LOT in the first 4 weeks of her life.  I thought it was normal... babies cry.  Granted, mine seemed to cry all day... but surely that was normal??  Yeah... found out that my kid had a lactose sensitivity - just like her daddy had when he was a baby - so she had to be moved to soy for the first 6 months of life.  Of course, the doctor told me I was insane... that wasn't the reason my kid was screaming all the time.  What the doctor couldn't explain was why, the minute I put her on soy, the crying stopped and I had a happy baby.  Clearly I must have been imagining it all... :P  So you need to have friends who can tell you... wow... this kid is crying more than normal... something is wrong.  Otherwise, you never realize that your baby just might not follow the books... she may be her own little person with a body that isn't perfectly average.  And that's okay.  You just need to know.

Anyway... this became a much longer post than I anticipated... sorry!  But I hope it helped...

Topics to come:
Growth spurts
Trying not to hate the parent whose kid sleeps through the night on day 1

Can't we all just get along?

All right... I made it 2 days in a row.  We'll see how long this lasts.  I figured that since I was starting a new theme to my blog I should change the background too.  That ended up taking much longer than expected... Blogger is much more advanced than it used to be!  LOL  I also want to state for the record that I don't expect to keep up a pace like this once school starts and I've got grading to do every night.  But at least I've got a couple more weeks to post... after that, I may run out of good ideas anyway.  :)

So anyway... back to the point of my blog.  I figured that if I was really going to post about my thoughts on motherhood, I should start first and foremost with the one comment that I continue to think as I read so many other blogs, articles, etc. on parenthood.  (And it PAINS me as a Californian to even use this quote, but...) "Can't we all just get along?"  Every time you turn around someone is stating why they are a better mother than someone else because they either a) stay home with their kids or b) go to work to serve as a role model.  I won't even start on the breast feeding debate... that's a whole blog to itself.  And what really sucks in all of these debates is that people feel so strongly about the way they are doing things that they never realize how much they may be hurting a new mother who would love to make those same life choices and can't.  And that is the case for both sides of the debate.  Since I'm a working mom I expect that if anyone actually reads this they will assume that I will bash all stay-at-home moms because it wasn't the right choice for me and my family.  But I hope that you find that I'm not going to do that.  And it's not because I dream to be a stay-at-home mom and can't for financial reasons.  I could stay home if I wanted to, but I choose not to... I would suck at being a stay-at-home mom and I know it.  But that doesn't mean that I think that women who stay at home are better or worse than I am.  It's just a different choice for their family.  And as long as it's the right choice for their family, then good for them!  But what I absolutely HATE is when people get self-righteous about one side or the other.  We are all MOTHERS!  We all love our kids and there are pros and cons to both choices.  But every family is different (and thank God for that... or else this country and the world would be a pretty boring place to be) and therefore we all have to make different choices in life.  So I just wanted to put that out there in an early blog post to make sure that we are clear that this site isn't for haters.  I'm not here to pick sides or say my way is the best way or anything like that.  I'm just here to state for the record some things that I learned in the first year of motherhood so that if anyone else is feeling the same way I did they hopefully won't feel as if something is wrong with them.  Everyone tells you how perfect motherhood is... they do warn you about the sleep-deprivation, but that's really all they warn you about.  But there's so much more to it and someone needs to talk about it.  So that's what I'm here to do.  Anyway... that's all for today.  Perhaps not the most exciting post... but I needed to put this out there before I moved on to other topics.  Hopefully something a bit more amusing tomorrow.  :)

Other future topics include (I write these down online in case I ever lose the sheet of paper I'm using):
Pregnancy isn't always bliss
Sometimes babies just won't latch on
The thin line between love and hate
Baby schedules (I'm SURE this will be controversial... that is, if anyone actually reads this)

Trying again... a new theme.

Well, apparently it's been over 4 years since I've blogged. How times change. But recently I've been thinking I should start up again. I have no clue if anyone is actually reading this... maybe Mark has this blog on his RSS feed. Guess I'll find out. :) But I'm actually okay if no one is reading this right now... it's just my random thoughts.

In the past 4 years since I blogged I got married, bought a bigger house, and had a kid. I suppose I'm living the American dream, huh? I have to say it doesn't always feel that way (especially when I'm home sick today) but overall, it's a very good life.

So now I'm a mom with this great thought to tell the world everything they don't tell you in the books about pregnancy, labor & delivery, and life with kids. Of course, in all of the sleep-deprivation I've forgotten half of what I wanted to say. But what can you do? But I'll start today with the first thing that no one tells you in the books about labor and delivery (and this is likely going to gross out some of you so read at your own risk... if you know me, you know that I always speak the truth even if you don't want to hear it). So did you know that you're just as likely to puke during labor/delivery as you are for things to come out the other end? Biologically, it makes sense... your body is trying to clear everything out so that you can focus on pushing that kid out. But nowhere in any book or online (that I've found... not that I've done an exhaustive search) do they tell you that it's highly likely you will puke while having contractions. Obviously it's totally normal because they have the kidney bean "cups" to catch your vomit sitting right next to the bed in the delivery room... of course, if you have eaten anything in the last few hours, that is nowhere near big enough to catch everything. But yeah. Needless to say, when it happened to me it did cause a bit of panic since I wasn't expecting it. Maybe they think that if they tell women it could happen, they would be even less inclined to go through labor and delivery?? But I'm somebody who just wants to know what I'm in for so that I can plan accordingly. So the fact that I had NO CLUE it was going to happen (and happen multiple times throughout the night) was freaky. It was only after the fact when I talked to some good girl friends of mine who actually tell me the truth that I realized it was completely normal. But I felt that I should just let the rest of the world know... it happens. If you've eaten relatively recently that food is coming out one end or the other. Just know that it happens, nothing is wrong... and everything will be fine in the end. But I did think to myself at the time... seriously?? Because contractions aren't bad enough? You have to add puking to labor/delivery?!?! I mean, seriously, you're sitting there with your body visible to anyone walking in, you've lost all sense of modesty, and now you're puking on top of that. I was actually in the process of pushing the last time I puked so they had to get me out of the stirrups to sit me back up so I wouldn't choke. Certainly one of the more glorious moments of my life. And I sat there thinking... why in the world do some people want their entire families in the room with them to see that? Yikes! Anyway... that's all for today. I'm going to try to keep these short and sweet (which is hard for me to do!).

Topics to come (that I've thought of while writing this):
Why you need girl friends who've been through it and tell you the truth!
I love my child so much more when I have time away from her
You're not a bad mom if you think this...