A lot (let's be honest, the majority) of folks will say that once you become a mom either your kid or your job is sacrificed. But I haven't really found that to be the case. I'm sure every stay-at-home mom would say that my kids are being sacrificed because I'm not with them 100% of the time. But I don't think having a full-time parent around is always the best option either. I've seen plenty of full-time parents who spend most of their day with their kids plopped in front of the TV. I'm sure that my child is getting a much more valuable experience being in daycare where she is learning to write her name, color in the lines, etc. And I know that if I were to stay home with my kids, I'm not the parent who would get them involved in play groups, sign them up for park district classes (because we wouldn't be able to afford it), etc. So the reality is that my kids would be "behind" because of me. And how is that better for them? But I digress. The reality is that people who are against daycare will forever be against daycare no matter what I say. That's not the point.
The reality is that I have been far more productive in my job ever since I had kids. I suppose I can count being pregnant too, because I was definitely super-productive that year. And I truly believe that I've become more productive because of my kids. Having kids requires you to better manage your time. If you're trying to complete work for your job and be there for all of your kids' stuff, then you need to be a good time manager. Thank God I love to organize things, so this works for me. But it means that when I come to work, I sometimes will come in a bit earlier to get stuff done. I no longer sit in the faculty lounge for 30 minutes to an hour before my first class to just "shoot the breeze" with my colleagues. I miss having that time. But now I spend that time prepping for class or setting up an experiment so that it will run during my class. It's a small sacrifice to make and I just make sure to chat up my fellow colleagues when I see them in the hallway, etc. I also watch the clock at the end of the day to be sure that I'm out of here by 4pm so that I can get my kids from daycare and spend time with them before they go to bed at 7pm. That means that sometimes I need to bring work home with me or accept that things just won't be done today and they will have to wait until tomorrow. Again, a small sacrifice to pay for time spent with my kids. But most of all I feel as though watching the clock has made me much more cognizant of what I can accomplish in a day and I work hard to get things done. I don't waste as much time chatting with colleagues when I have things to do. Instead, I realize that I also have long incubation periods during experiments at times and that is an excellent time to catch up on the news. That way things are still "cooking" so I'm not wasting time doing nothing.
And let's be honest, I'm more productive with my time because now I'm working for something. I have an end game. I want to get that final promotion so that I can then take a summer "off" to spend with my kids. I want to be able to show them that their mommy is a successful woman outside of home. And I want to be able to provide for my family the way my husband does. I want my kids to understand that this is a relationship based on equality. No one parent is better than the other. No one parent provides the money while the other cares for the house. Both parents do both jobs. And I think that my daughter and my son learn valuable lessons from each of us about gender roles, etc. because I work outside of home.
Since I had my daughter I have established a research program at my school, published two papers with another major paper on the way, served on several major committees, revised our department's curriculum, presented our work at national conferences, and obtained tenure and promotion. I'm now well on track to obtain my final promotion in a few years. In fact, with the publication of one additional paper (that I'm finishing the final figures on right now) I will be "ready" for my final promotion and now just have to wait until I've served enough years on campus to be eligible to go up. It's a pretty impressive feeling to know that I already have enough work done and I still have 2 more years to gather more data and do more stuff. And, again, I've done all of this while I had 2 kids at home, neither of whom is "independent" in any way, shape, or form.
So for all of the nay-sayers out there, sometimes I wonder if it's more of an issue of laziness than the fact that you can't do something. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I work hard. But that is life. I don't know of anyone who says they aren't tired and aren't working hard. But I also watch some of my colleagues who don't have children. They come to work at 9 or 10am (when I get here at 7:30 at the latest) and they leave before I do. They claim they're doing a lot of work at home... but are they? Maybe the reason they aren't accomplishing their goals has nothing to do with children and much more to do with their work ethic. I also know plenty of people who get here before I do and leave after I do. Yet I haven't been able to figure out what they do with all of their time (other than play computer games or set up birthday invitations for their kids' parties) and yet they never seem to be able to accomplish anything. Again, I feel like a little time management would go a long way in many cases. So maybe we need to stop bashing each other for everyone's life choices and, instead, take a look in the mirror and decide if we're really making the best use of our time. Just saying...
