All right, I know that I suck at blogging as I apparently lasted a week and then it was over with. And, honestly, I wasn't sitting here thinking that I needed/wanted to blog except that a post came up on Facebook and I really want to respond to it in a snide/bitchy way and obviously I can't do that. So I'm going to respond on my blog instead, that no one knows about.
So an acquaintance of mine (really a friend of Mark's that has now become one of my friends too) apparently is going back to graduate school and posted on FB that she just turned in a class project and feels that it is the equivalent of a doctoral thesis or climbing Mt. Everest. Really??? I just read it and was ticked off. First of all, the bitch in me wanted to point out that you write a doctoral dissertation and masters students write a thesis (along with many seniors completing their bachelors degree). But even more so, I wanted to say "thanks for equating 4 years of my hard work to a class project you did in one week. I really appreciate it. Clearly you understand what it means to research and write a dissertation." Ugh. But I didn't... because it would be rude to say those things on FB and call someone out like that. But seriously... do people think before they post? Just wondering.
In other news... it's always funny to look back on previous posts and see what has happened since then. In sad news, our dog Brinkley died in February. His tests came back pretty normal in September, we went through with a procedure to make him healthier, life seemed fine. And then one weekend it was just over quickly. He died peacefully in his bed, asleep, at our house. So that part was good... although shocking to realize what had happened. I think I had just expected that we would take him to the vet and have to make the decision to end his life. But in the end, he got to make the decision and I'm glad for him. I'm also glad that it was so quick. I never wanted him to suffer. My daughter doesn't really remember that we had a dog at all, I don't think. So one day when she is older I'll be sure to show her pictures of her and him together. While it's weird to be home for the summer and not have the dog wandering around the house following me, I admit that a part of me is relieved. Toward the end there were lots of accidents in the house, lots of planning how long we could be gone before someone needed to come home and take care of the dog, etc. And now that is gone. I admit that it has made our lives a bit easier and we aren't planning to get another dog for years to come until our kids can help take care of him/her. Mark has even admitted that if we were to get another pet, he wouldn't mind having a cat because they are so much easier. The only issue is that he is allergic... so we'd have to deal with that problem. But let's just say that that is not a big concern right now.
The really big news is that I'm pregnant and due in August. We're having a boy this time and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about the prospect. To be honest, I was hoping for another girl because I felt like I knew what I was doing with a girl and could handle whatever was dished out at me. Plus, the parts are just easier. But I've had 2 ultrasounds and both times they verified a boy... so unless two different techs screwed up, it's a boy. (I'm still keeping my girl clothes just in case) Everyone tells me that boys are easier, but I watch the boys at daycare and I think they are full of it. I think they say that to make you feel better... but I don't really believe it's true. But maybe I'm wrong. Let's hope...
I think the idea of having a boy has gotten easier for me during this pregnancy because Sarah has become more of a mama's girl in the last few months. She used to only have eyes for Mark. They were buds and I was the mean mommy who took her to the doctor for shots. Sure, I fed and changed her and she appreciated that... but she only played with daddy. But now she hangs out and plays with me more too. She's still a daddy's girl... but she calls for me and wants me around just as much. And that has been nice. Honestly, I've probably needed that. When I found out we were having a boy I cried that night and told Mark that I wasn't going to have any kids that liked me. Sarah was daddy's girl and I wouldn't allow myself to baby a little boy. I'd want him to love and respect his mother, but I didn't want him to be a mama's boy in the end because God knows his life would be miserable once he got to school. I feel like Sarah somehow knew that I needed more from her and boy did she deliver. And it has helped me to get ready to have a boy.
It's probably also helped that this pregnancy has been easier on me. Granted, I was really sick for the first trimester... sicker than I ever was with Sarah. So that sucked. But once that first trimester was over, things went back to "normal." I haven't had food aversions, don't really have cravings, I just like to eat. I am definitely much bigger than I was with Sarah so that has been more uncomfortable, and having to get through the entire summer before this kid comes is not something I'm looking forward to. This boy kicks a lot harder than Sarah did, but every doctor tells me that he's very active and I think that's good. Active babies are harder, but I think they're more fun in the end. I honestly don't think I'd deal well with a kid who was content to just sit around all day and do nothing. Plus, he needs to be able to keep up with his sister. I don't want Sarah completely dominating him. It has also been amazing to watch Sarah change. I think she understands what is happening (at some level)... we certainly talk to her about it a lot. And she is so good with the babies at her daycare. She is definitely in the phase where she likes to take care of dolls/babies and I figure it happened at the perfect time. So all in all, most of my trepidation is gone. I can't imagine how tired we are going to be and I have no idea how we are going to manage two kids. My friends have all told me that it isn't just double the work, it's exponentially harder. I believe them. But I know we'll make it through. And this time around at least you know that the worst is over within the first year. And who knows? Maybe this kid will be an easier baby? I'm not really expecting it... but you never know. Miracles can happen. All I know is that if this kid is fussy from the start, we're moving straight to soy formula on day one. No screwing around. I'm not going to kill myself trying to breastfeed, etc. We'll just do what we need to do and that's it.
Knowing that I have a real maternity leave this time, followed by sabbatical, also makes it easier. There's not such a push to worry that we need to get on schedule, we need to have everything figured out by the time I go to work, I need to figure out how to teach while not sleeping through the night, etc. That takes the pressure off, to say the least. And hopefully this baby will feel that and be calmer. Hopefully...
It's another adventure in our life so we'll see how things change in the next several months. Maybe I'll actually keep up with blogging since I won't be working. But let's be realistic... I think it's more likely the baby will be calm and sleep through the night (not likely) than I will actually keep up with a blog. But that's okay. That's the joy of a blog that no one knows about. :)
